You Just Know
by See Jane Write
Summary: Tracey and Kelly talk about when they each realized they were gay. Response to Questions challenge on TBJ:Ladies Livejournal forum.


You Just Know

Summary: Tracey and Kelly talk about when they each realized they were gay. Response to "Questions" challenge on TBJ:Ladies Livejournal forum.

Author: Emma

Author's Note: Ok, someone seriously has to pull me away from my computer right now. Either that or make me finish some of the stories I have not completed. Sigh.

Rating: PG, I guess.

Word Count: 1,479

Kelly Gaffney crawled into the warm and inviting bed. The cotton sheets were already pulled back some to allow her to move right next to her girlfriend. Tracey was already sitting in the bed with the sheets pulled up to her waist. The television was turned to the news, and Tracey was semi-paying attention to it. Once Kelly started moving the bed though, Tracey's attention was diverted away from updates in Iraq and onto her girlfriend. She fumbled her hands around for the remote and turned it off. "Hey you," she said as she moved down lower into the bed. Her head was on the pillow and she faced Kelly.

Kelly smiled as she lay down facing Tracey. From underneath the covers, she could feel Tracey's smooth and bare legs nuzzling against hers. "Hey you yourself," she said back as she moved her head closer. Her lips joined with Tracey's for a moment. Those moments had to be the best moments of her life. They were definitely the best moments of her night.

"What are you thinking?" Kelly asked as she began running her fingers in little circles around Tracey's bare shoulder.

Tracey sighed as she was briefly pulled out of her deep thought. "Life, I guess," she admitted. "In general, but how it takes its little turns. You know, thirty years ago, I would have never imagined myself like this."

"Hmm?" Kelly asked as she looked over at Tracey. There had to be more behind this thought. Tracey had that look in her face. She knew what she meant, but she was figuring the best way to explain it.

"Think about it," Tracey began as she pulled the covers up a little further onto her body. "Thirty years ago, where did you see yourself?"

Kelly sighed heavily. "Trace, thirty years ago, I was seven. As long as my brothers didn't try and steal my dolls, and the boys at school didn't try to give me cooties, I was a happy girl."

"See, boys at school," Tracey repeated Kelly's words.

Kelly frowned slightly. "I'm not following you." She grabbed Tracey's hand and held it in hers. "What's this really about?"

"Thirty years ago I thought I was going to get married when I was twenty-three," Tracey started to explain. "My husband was going to be rich, and we would spend our honeymoon traveling, so I could get away from my father. Then we'd settle down somewhere far from New York. I'd be a lawyer, he'd be a doctor, and we'd have a nice small family with two children and maybe a dog or something. I don't know. There would be a pet involved."

"Well, you are a lawyer," Kelly pointed out to try and cheer Tracey up. "And a damn fine one. If I'm ever murdered, I want you to prosecute my case."

Tracey eyed her girlfriend oddly. "One, that's a morbid thought. Two, I don't know if I could handle it. Three, that's a morbid thought." She shook her head slightly and pulled Kelly closer to her. "I don't want you leaving. Besides, that's not my point. My point is that things change. I mean, I'm still not married. This damn state prevents same-sex marriages, so I'm never going to get married."

Kelly's mouth moved into an 'O' formation. "Is that was this is about?" she asked.

Tracey shook her head. "No, not really. It's just…when did you know?"

"Know what?" Kelly asked.

"That you were attracted to women," Tracey stated.

Kelly bit her lower lip for a moment. "I'm not really sure I could pick a single moment," she said finally. "I guess on some level, I knew I wasn't normal. My quote 'big crush' in grade school turned out to be flamboyantly gay by eighth grade, and my parents forbade me to talk to him. My sister Monica--"

"Is that the older one?" Tracey interrupted.

"I only have one sister," Kelly responded. "Four brothers, one sister."

Tracey sighed with defeat and hung her head slightly. "Sorry," she apologized.

Kelly smirked. "I'll think of a way to punish you later," she commented seductively. "But yes, Monica is two years older than me. It's Connor Jr., Matthew, Jeffrey, Monica, me, and Brian."

Tracey shook her head slightly. "And how many nieces and nephews does that make?" she asked.

Kelly rolled her eyes. "Too many to fit into one house for Easter and Christmas, which you'll have the pleasure of experiencing come December," she noted. "Not to mention in-laws, crazy aunts, uncles, and Grandpa Joe, but that's something else. I don't want to completely turn you away from us just yet."

Tracey smiled. "You haven't yet," she reminded Kelly. "I like the Gaffney I've seen so far."

Kelly smiled back as she rolled over slightly so that she was looking up at the ceiling. She could feel Tracey's warm body next to hers. She closed her eyes slightly as she continued with her story. "Anyway, Monica was always interested in boys. She was always rambling on about how cute they were, how much she wanted to date, how cruel my parents were for making her to wait until she was sixteen before she could go alone on a date with a boy. Since she was only two years older than I was, she would show me pictures of some of her guy friends and see which ones I thought were attractive." Kelly sighed heavily as she turned back to face Tracey. "I'd pick the wrong ones, and she'd get mad at me. She'd say I was stupid, and then we'd fight until I decided it was better to hang out with Brian. He was cooler anyway. Still is. When I get the courage to come out to my family, I'll probably tell him first if he doesn't already know. He probably already figured it out." Kelly sighed again as she ran her fingers down Tracey's arms. "Sorry," she apologized. "Am I boring you?"

"No," Tracey said. "I think it's great that you have such a good relationship with your family. I wish I could have that."

Kelly sighed. "Can't live with them, can't live without them," she restated the cliché. "Anyway, so this continued through high school. Finally, when I was a junior, Monica was off to college, and it was only Brian and me left at home. The two of us were at high school. During that time, I guess I'd been pretending to have this boyfriend, but we both knew it was superficial. We only went out for two months. My senior year, this student transferred to our school. She was really cute, sweet, everything. We became friends, and I kept having these…fantasies about her, if you know what I mean. She was straight, so I never acted on them or confronted her about it, but I couldn't get her out of my mind. I guess by that point, I knew. There was no point in denying it."

Kelly moved over and rubbed her hand over Tracey's stomach. "Now that you've heard my little lesbian story, what's yours?" she inquired.

Tracey sighed. She knew this was coming, and she was ready for it. "Well, I didn't think much of it in grade school or high school since I went to boarding school. All girls, so there were no boys to be interested in. It just wasn't an issue there. When I finally went to college, the boys just seemed…immature. I did not know what to think, so I stayed devoted to my studies. My roommate kept nagging me and saying I should get out more, but I didn't listen. I was taking pre-law classes. You know what that's like," Tracey pointed out.

Kelly rolled her eyes understandingly. "Everyone in our office knows what that's like," she commented. "If not, then they must have slept with someone to be in the position they're in."

"Well, I didn't have much of a romantic life through law school," Tracey continued. "Then I started working here in homicide. I was lucky. I got it right away."

"How'd you manage that?" Kelly asked.

"The other homicide ADA was going to be leaving," Tracey responded. "She was very sick, but I still found her irresistible. I spent all my time with her, both work related and personal. I would tell her everything, and I knew, you know. You just know. When she finally died, it was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me since my mother died, but I don't even remember that."

"I'm sorry," Kelly said sympathetically. "Well, now you've got me," she declared firmly. "I may not get you out of New York or give you some kind of pet, but I am here. I'm not going to leave," she promised.

Tracey smiled as she crawled on top of Kelly. "Boy am I glad you're a lesbian."


End file.
